I need help with balancing Depression and school.?
I have been in school off and on for 11years. I have always suffered from depression. Sometimes I’m ok, sometimes I’m really excellent (doesn’t last). But sometimes I am dreadful. My Depression really kicks me in the butt when I’m stressed. I cannot reckon clearly, I do not care about anything, I feel overwhelmed and ETC….. I can’t function at my highest capacity. I have never taken meds and don’t want meds for various reasons and when I feel fantastic I feel sooo excellent and I get so much done and I feel like I’m incredible in school and in everything. But since I can’t keep it up I usually do terrible at the end. This has made me a basically C average student. I have A’s in some hard classes from when I was in a excellent state mentally and I have a C in Micro for example because I had an A but I made a 52 on the final. (stuff like this has happened so many times). I just felt soo terrible during that final time period, I barely made it to class and I hadn’t looked over the class material in weeks. I cannot go up to professors and say, hey"I"m kinda nutty can you cut me some slack" I also do not want to use any thing as an excuse but after 11 years of trying I’m getting so tired. I am smart. As a kid everyone was always telling my how far I would go and teacher were calling me their brightest pupil blah blah, and look now I’m nearly 30 and not even an associate degree. It’s embarrassing because I’ll see ancient classmates or teachers and they look so surprised that I’m just working and attending classes. Today I just missed my Cal class again and I reckon I have an F in there now. I am not bone idle, I have too many drops on my transcripts because I can’t keep it together. I have often worked 2 or 3 jobs to pay off my school debt during those 6 years. Also my life outside of school negatively affected my abilities in school for years because I chose to overwork to get my mind off of my depression and to pay back school. Also negative life choices that I made due to my depression didn’t make finishing school simpler either. No one really understands why I don’t do better in school and it’s embarrassing. I now have loads of credits (80 hrs) in Math and upper level science Science and all basics. Please direct me to any simple degree where I don’t have to apply to any program if possible. I do not want to have to apply to a program and wait a year before entering the actual program. I want to end a degree as soon as possible. But, something where I can earn at least 35k per year. Not a general Bio or Chem degree. I just need to accomplish something.My focus has been thus far health science. I am also open to social work, enviormental work and teaching. I was hoping to get a Clinical lab Degree but I will have to wait 4-5 months to apply to the program and another 8 months to start it if I am accepted. I need to keep moving forward in school. I do not want to waste that time, plus I would have to start paying back my loan. Also I am failing Calculus I don’t know of many programs that would look at me with my grades. I am so tired. I’m losing motivation because I have been struggling so long to accomplish nothing. Any advice? My grades are not consistent and really mediocre. I’m mad because my grades do not reflect my abilities or the amount of effort that I have place into school.
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Tags: 11 years, 6 years, amp, associate degree, butt, class material, depression, excuse, jobs, meds, old classmates, professors, pupil, school debt, time period, transcripts
You sound a small like what I went through to get through college. It took me 8 years to graduate and I was in an out of hospital, had ECT and never really lived up to my full potential. I had awesome grades in high school and I didnt even have to study but then when I got diagnosed with bipolar my grades in college were dreadful. I had my excellent periods where I would ace stuff then I would start failing things when I would get pretty low. It kinda kills the confidence. I had to get on medication which really helped me and with the help of a social worker I was able to have the support to be able to graduate. I recently applied to a surgical tech program and I am waiting and waiting to see if I have gotten into the program. Sometimes taking some time off allows you to take inventory and maybe its not a terrible thought to just work and give school a break while you apply to the clinical lab degree. Also if you end up getting that degree you can always go back to school to get another. It just sounds like you could use that break to clear your head and to develop excellent coping skills when things get low or stressed. Maybe give a counselor a try to talk this stuff out. Hang in there. You can do this school thing dont be too hard on yourself.
you need meds its clear that you go from your highs to your lows you need to seek some help stay on meds for a small time you wont depend on them forever you should give it a shot that high point you get to is something that you cannot change alone its too perilous seek help excellent luck !